Uncategorized

Under The Cover

We’ve all heard not to judge a book by its cover…

We recently had family pictures taken, and they turned out beautifully. I’m so thankful for the extra time taken to capture moments of me with each one of my little loves, as well as the man of my dreams. As beautiful as they are, when I look at them I swallow a hard knot wondering what the future holds. As I’m fighting for another Christmas I’m overwhelmed with thanks with each moment of time I’m given; we’re all given.

As I poured over our photos and soaked in the soft background light and the beaming smiles, something struck me. It looks like such a warm Fall day; our faces lit with sunshine, and I look so strong standing beside my people.

Well let me take you behind the scenes. It was FREEZING. I mean nose-running, eyeball-gelling, goosebump-shivering cold. This kind of cold is especially hard on my muscles, escalating my normal spasms into arms and legs that lock up and refuse to move.

This is how that day really looked: I was in my electric wheelchair bundled in a coat and covered in a thick blanket. We would roll to each new backdrop and I would be helped to pull off my blanket, yank stiff arms out of my coat, take my oxygen tubing off my face, shuffle to where I needed to stand, and then prop me up for the next shot. Then back to the chair, coat on, oxygen on, blanket on, roll to the next place. It felt so messy and chaotic, yet you’d never know that looking at our pictures.

That’s what struck me. It was such an important reminder about how appearances are deceiving, especially on social media. We can all be really good at hiding what is really going on. Unfortunately that’s usually our default; pretend everything is ok. Remember that many people are fighting hard battles even though you might not see them, so offer grace, extend kindness, and never assume you know the whole story.

Leave me a comment; it lets me know you’re listening!

Uncategorized

Susan 🦋

My heart feels crushed every time I remember that a hard goodbye is just around the corner. I am grieving having to say goodbye to an incredible woman. An Angel among us. I have been so blessed in life to have been given friends who leave such important footprints on my heart.

I met Sue in a roundabout kind of way; we were both following the same blog, and the blog author had asked for prayers for Susan’s granddaughter, Delainey, who was having complications from Trisomy 18. In the end, we lost our daughter Ellianna, and she lost her granddaughter Delainy just a few months apart. Thus began an unexpected friendship; raw, real, beautiful, and based on the bare bones truth of treating people gently when they need to be loved.

Sue and I carried the heaviness of grieving our little ones side by side even though we were states apart. She was always accepting of whatever stage I was in, and gave me space to feel and express all that I needed to. Do y’all know how rare that is? It is an indescribable gift to have a person like that! Even in her own grieving, Sue found ways to speak to my hurts and mend my broken pieces with her gentle words and kind heart.

From right: Susan, Delainey, Delainey’s mom Christy

Susan is a relentless encourager. If I look at my “friendship” on Facebook I will be scrolling through page after page of scripture, encouraging quotes, and meaningful articles she would send on to me. And that woman must have liked and commented on every one of my pictures for like five years. She was always looking for ways to build me up.

I only got to be with Sue in person one time, and that makes me a little sad. She was traveling near my town and made it a point to stop and meet up with us so we could finally meet in the flesh and have a good meal together. It is a treasured memory, an experience that really made me realize how gentle and kind of a person she is. She is calm and sure of herself, content in the moment, unlike how I sometimes come roaring in in a hot frazzled mess.

How blessed I am to have shared in such an uplifting and encouraging friendship at a time we both so deeply needed it. My heart aches that this world will not have Sue anymore, but my soul rejoices wildly at the thought of her scooping up her Delainey once again, and snuggling her close for all of eternity. How happy she will be. Once again she will be paving the way for me through a new unknown.

Uncategorized

In the Waiting

I spent the morning with my little on our knees in the dirt, carefully setting tulip bulbs in the ground as the bite of the brisk air nipped at our coats. He excitedly flung dirt with a small trowel, and counted out the bulbs, mixing the colors and nestling them tips-up into each hole. As we carefully patted the dirt down, covering the evidence of what lays below, I was struck with the symbolism of it all.

These bulbs, cold and papery, don’t look like much right now. They are carefully keeping a beautiful secret which won’t be seen until Spring, after the Winter storms and bitter cold have faded. How true this is of our lives. You may be in the middle of a hard season, worn by the beating of the storms and weary from the gray that stretches on for days. In these hard moments though there is planting; the lessons you are learning, the faith you are growing, the hope you are clinging to… these beautiful treasures seemingly lost in the bitter winter of what you’re going through will bring eye-catching wonder on the other side. Don’t despair; keep sowing in the cold ground, even though you can’t see it now, something beautiful will come of what you’re going through. Let’s wait expectantly together for Spring!

Please leave me a comment, it lets me know you’re listening!

Gratitude

Gratitude

My heart is struggling with gratitude. It’s a beautiful season, and all around I see my people running races and taking hikes to see beautiful trees, and I have grumbled to not be able to do those things now. I had a procedure yesterday that was difficult for me, and stirred a lot of fear and unease. I can feel it tempting to swallow me. This is when I know I need to fight hard for a grateful heart.

Knowing this season has pulled hard at my mental health, I started keeping a gratitude journal. Not only does it force me to think about the best parts of my day, but it leaves a road map for me to look back on and remember all the big and small graces that have sprinkled my days. I gifted myself a Sprockett 😂, and I’m using it to create a daily reminder of all the things I have to be thankful for.

Have you ever found yourself in a season of life where you struggled with gratitude? Lets band together and make sure we are stopping to notice the little things, even when the big things try to overwhelm us.

Please leave me a comment, it lets me know you’re listening!

Uncategorized

Four Favorites

It’s a drizzly morning, and I’m headed to the hospital soon for the third attempt at making my feeding tube right. What a stereotypical Monday! I could use a little pick me up, thought maybe you could too. Because the thing is, past the soggy shoes, and gray skies and cold, sterile rooms, there are amazing bits of joy all around us. Let me share a few with you.

Run, don’t walk to Trader Joe’s for some cookie butter! You. Guys. I don’t know how they came up with this, but it is truly Heaven in a jar. I made my kids two sandwiches, and the entire rest of this jar got eaten by me. With a spoon. It’s that good. We put it on pancakes, ice cream, graham crackers, sandwiches… pretty much wherever your imagination takes you, it’s delicious. It’s like Christmas before Christmas. The crunchy version is even better; somehow they’ve gotten little bits of those amazing cookies to stay crisp and crunchy throughout the butter, and it’s simply divine.

Young Living’s rose ointment. This stuff is good for so many things! It’s wonderful on cuticles, dry hands, rough patches of skin, as well as to smooth on your lips when you’re caught without your favorite lippy. I personally use a little on the delicate skin under my eyes, which makes them look and feel brighter, and rub a little into my eyelashes to help them stay soft and not dry and brittle. It’s small enough to throw in your bag and take everywhere with you, and a little goes such a long way, a jar will last you forever! Find your favorite friend who does Young Living oils (ahem, myself included), and ask them how you can get some!

Cotton Candy Grapes. I have no idea what miracle went into making these taste the way they do, but it is epic. You know when you’re really craving dessert, but you try to be adult and choose something healthier? This is a win! Not only are they perfectly sweet and juicy for a grape, but they literally taste like cotton candy. It will take you right back to that baseball game when you were a 5 year old licking the sticky blue whisps from between your fingers. Sweet craving satisfied! Trader Joe’s has them, and Walmart and Kroger/King Soopers do at times as well.

These stamps. All the heart eyes! Yes, I am the lady holding up the line at the post office because I want to see allll the stamp designs before I choose which ones to buy. These ones do not disappoint on the cuteness factor! I bought an extra book of them because I was so in love and wanted them to last a long time. I seriously want to send mail to all the people just so I can use them, and on the same hand don’t want to use a single one because I find them so adorable and I love looking at them. I don’t know how long they’ll be available, so hop to it and get some of the cuteness before it goes away!

Oh, and let’s circle back to the cookie butter again…according to my fire partner it also works amazingly ON TOP of TJ’s dark chocolate peanut butter cups, in case you needed another reason. Now run!

Please leave me a comment, it lets me know you’re listening!

Uncategorized

The Grumps

After a sleepless night, I’m curled under my favorite blanket watching a cloudy gray sky. I’m dealing with some nagging pain following a procedure yesterday, and it’s got me feeling down. Well, maybe just sorry for myself. There were other things I wanted to do with my day today. Thinking how to be grateful anyway… there are so many with larger struggles than I. I can lie here and save my energy for my little people who will come bounding in from the bus and find me with love to share. That’s where the gift is found; in strength that’s beyond my own, and that’s meant to be given away. Tell me, where are you loving beyond your strength today?

Please leave me a comment, it lets me know you’re listening!