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Waves of Today

Lying in bed with big medicine, praying the deep throbbing would settle down, but still reveling in the amazing of today. It was such a good day. I was met by the prayers of my people, and it was wonderful to feel wonderful for awhile. We basked in the sun and rolled in the sand and splashed for endless hours in the big salty ocean. My body felt at peace and so relieved in the cool, clear waves. Visions of sand castles and beautiful shells and tiny fish and a giant stingray dance when I close my eyes, and I’m so grateful for the lasting grace of this day.

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Growing Hope

As I struggle with losing my ability to do so many of my favorite pastimes, there are a few I’m holding tight to. Gardening is one of them. A sweet friend offered to get the seedlings I had been nursing into the ground for me, but I held tight to believing I could do it myself. I so much wanted to feel the warm earth as I babied my sprouts and seeds into the ground. I do not by any means have a green thumb, but have managed for a stretch of years to grow a number of vegetables for my family right in our backyard. I’m missing the Colorado sunshine, but trying to figure out what works here.

I don’t know what it is, but watching things grow has always felt so sacred to me. It truly is a miracle to see tiny dried out seeds change and grow into something beautiful. It brings me such joy. The warm soil, gentle sun, and fresh colors of green make me feel as if I’m in a breathtaking cathedral.

Too weak to stand, I carved out my own small slice of land and sat in the dirt, covered in afternoon sun, and gently pressed seeds and seedlings into the earth. Watching them sprout and grow bigger is bringing me so much delight and satisfaction. Here’s hoping for a harvest, but either way, the working of the soil has been therapeutic for me in beautiful ways.

What is it that you do that refreshes and cheers your soul?

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daily graces

Being Present

I am hurting in too many places to name; exhausted beyond staying awake for a few hours, and sapped of all my energy. What a gift to be so. I spent it all this weekend, and it was worth it.

I play a constant juggling game of shifting what things I can do, and how long I will need to recover. Any activity at all takes a pretty great amount of effort. This past weekend I did less calculating and more doing. Missing the days of doing projects around my house, I worked hard to make my front porch a welcome landing pad. Tending to plants, arranging welcomes, and repainting a forlorn mailbox left me tired, hurting, and so fulfilled. It was an accomplishment for myself, and it was a gesture of love I could provide my people.

At the end of the day, covered in soil and spray paint, I pushed myself even further to clean up and go out with my loves for dinner. I didn’t think I could do it, but the delicious food and sweet company spurred me through a wonderful evening. The following night, I pushed hard again to spend time with kind friends who invited us over. It would have been easier to retreat to the cool quiet of my bedroom refuge, but I fought to stay up and enjoy the company of loving friends. It was a beautiful evening together.

By Sunday my body was done being pushed, and I had to give in to the haven of my bed for some extra sleep, fluids, and help with my breathing. My bones and muscles complained at all I had done, but my heart was light. I’m so thankful for the opportunities to fight for more, and the strength Jesus has given me to keep taking them. Remind me when I need a push! These times are surely a gift I don’t ever want to take for granted.

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Hard Fight

I am here.

Head down, fighting hard over a perilous week, but still crawling to stand to chant the victory cheer.

It’s going to take some time for me to recover, but I will get there. In my quiet spaces, know I am deeply grateful for every kind word, thoughtful gift, and whispered prayer. You are my people.

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Glimpses

If you’ve known me very long, you know how special purple, rainbows, and butterflies are to me. Purple was our Ellie’s color, and on the day we buried her, her sister’s butterflies hatched way earlier than expected under the most perfect full rainbow painted across the gray July sky. Every time we see these things now, they are like a sweet hug from our girl, reminding us of her footprint on our lives.

As we celebrated her 8th birthday a few days ago, the mundane parts of a winter day were punctuated amazingly by the sweetest gifts, seeming to be perfectly placed just for us.

As I lay watching a movie with my loves, we all turned to grin at each other knowingly as a conversation about rainbows erupted in the middle of a suspenseful plot. My husband turned to me. “How many movies do you suppose they start talking about rainbows in,” he grinned. It was true. Specific, beautiful reminders of Ellianna Grace were purposely left in plain view for us on the anniversary of her birth. The others I was able to capture, to look back and remind myself of the goodness.

Purple and rainbow, in a dress fit for a princess!

A photo that popped up in my Instagram feed from Pitter Patter Art.

Life is sweet indeed.

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