Tag: suffering

suffering

Life Raft

Hannah

For an easy $80-$250 you can acquire the materials to make a pretty decent DIY life raft, a cost I suspect many of us would easily triple or quadruple if it came down to preserving the life of someone we love. It may be surprising then to hear that there are even simpler and more affordable ways to snatch a life back from the brink. Don’t feel bad, I was acting quite ignorant to this myself until the life-affirming experience I had earlier this week.

A weighty world and a few unexpected shoe drops this week had me feeling rather dismal and uninspired as I rode out the sweltering days of a Midwest summer. The isolating circumstances of my illness had been contributing to a build up of unshared anxieties, paired with a lengthy succession of sleepless nights as I wrestled with symptoms I’ve felt too small to tolerate. After a “hair that breaks the camel’s back” experience, my fear and desperation caused all of this to bubble high enough that my struggles were leaking out into unassuming conversations. Conversations that should have first happened between myself and my Heavenly Father to begin with, but as his attributes have proven to me historically, he again lavished grace upon grace for my shortcomings and gifted me what I had been too troubled and preoccupied to ask him for in the first place.

As I visited with a friend this week her thoughtful questions and tender attentiveness probed out some of the wrestling matches I was engaging in, and unassuming as I was for her to be the answer to any of my concerns, her loving character held the power to change the trajectory of my week, my heart, and I hope, my very life.

We are all fighting battles big and small, and though comparison is an ill-fitting tool with which to measure, the difficulties my friend is faithfully navigating make most of my discomforts look like small potatoes. That didn’t stop her however, from following her heart and lavishing love upon me despite the meager bucket she had been given to pour from. And the results created a chain reaction of love and care that I forever want to be a link of.

What stops the rest of us then, from using our gifts in whatever quantity we contain them to reach out and be the life raft to the hurting around us? We are brushing shoulders with people whose crushing depression or debilitating circumstance may just be one small act of kindness away from the difference between life today or death tomorrow, so I propose we follow my friend’s example and expand our focus from our own hard stories to give us the clarity to see into the lives of the people around us who just need one kind word, one thoughtful gesture, one glint of truth to create the bridge that gets them from their hard today’s and into the lavish hope that tomorrow brings.

Suffering is simply not restricted to the occasional hard story that a friend of a friend of a friend shared with us; it is rampant and violent and bullying the hearts and minds of people we rub elbows and hearts with on a daily basis, so won’t you join me in being a line in the master story of someone whose life went from over to exuberantly fulfilling because of the one simple kindness that someone offered up with their own battered hands? Running on empty won’t ever be a valid excuse for those walking a servant-hearted life, because we serve a God who gives generously to those he loves, and he is capable of feeding thousands with your small loaf of bread.

Look around for the places you can be a life raft to someone who is feeling one breath from giving in to the raging waters, and then do that on repeat in your good weeks and your hard ones, because these hard-fought days are so much richer when graced with the possibility of hope gifted by a friend… or even a stranger. Then come share your story with me— I want to hear how you made a stand to be the domino in one person’s spiral that then turned out to be the victory shout of unrestrained joy!

Uncategorized

The Gift of Suffering

Hannah

Last night in my Growth Group we came across a verse in 2nd Timothy 4 that gave a charge to “endure suffering.” It was such a simple statement, tucked in among a small list of things we are called to do as believers in Jesus. I found irony in how matter-of-fact the command was.

Suffering has barged in on our most important dreams and deepest desires. We try to avoid it at all costs- dodging this way and that to ensure our happiness, comfort, and contentment. Enduring suffering is probably not at the top of our to-do list every morning. What if Christians believed what we preach though; that God is enough?

Psalm 146:5 says, “But joyful are those who have the God of Israel as their helper, whose hope is in the Lord their God.” He is enough to bring us joy, to make us happy, regardless of our circumstances, but we need to lean into Him.

Leaning into Him is something I have to practice hard at daily. I am sloppy in my suffering. However, I realize the gift that it is to me, because suffering easily strips away the things that become substitutes for my happiness, and it opens me up to the indestructible happiness found in God. When my hope is in Him I find I can more freely enjoy the good things He gives me, because I am not dependent on those things to make me happy.

When our lives are spinning along without the interruption of pain or sadness it’s easy not to feel a need to seek God’s help; He often doesn’t hear from us until we are weary and crying out for mercy. When suffering comes along we realize He is our only hope, which sends us running to Him. This is why I can be grateful for the suffering He has called me to; it keeps me dependent on Him.

What about you? When the burdens you carry have made you weary and sad, are you able to find happiness and contentment by letting God fill up your empty places? It can be hard, but it’s also liberating. Let’s do it together today. Wherever you are in your suffering, lean into Him. Give Him the chance to show you that He is enough.

Uncategorized

If Pain Could Kill

Hannah

Daily I live with a certain amount of lasting, chronic pain. My doctors have worked long and hard to try to manage it enough that I can function as much as possible. This week has brought difficult new challenges though. Regardless of what I do in a day, sometime around 4 or 5pm I’ve started having the most unbearable pain. My medications don’t touch it, neither do the handful of topical rubs I apply, or the essential oils I take by the capsule full. Obviously sleep evades me during this time, as I can do little to get comfortable with my muscles and bones screaming at me that something is very wrong.

There are a lot of effects of this disease that I can push through. I can go from puking to putting on a smile and showing up at church on a Sunday morning. I can be super short of breath and hook up to my vent and still make it to my babies’ concerts and ball games. I can go from fainting to re-orienting myself and carrying on with the responsibilities of my day. But this pain. Sometimes I don’t know how to push through.

After working in healthcare for so many years I’ve always tried to be really realistic when asked to rate my pain. I have the best chart ever, and often I refer to it to make sure the number I’m blurting out is on par with how I’m really feeling.

Most of time I’m sitting around a 6 or a 7. Nighttime lately is an 8-9. I find myself anxiety-ridden and begging for mercy. There are times I feel like I can push through anything but this pain, and I think to myself that if pain alone could kill, I would surely die.

I beg God that if He can take one thing away it would be my pain, because I feel like it’s the thing that makes my world stop turning. It’s the thing that prevents me from meeting my people.

Then I remember that pain is the thing that most brings me to my Father’s arms. It is what ushers me into the sacred places of other’s suffering, allowing me to be a channel of Christ’s compassion, comfort, and love. This season has been long and intense and piercing— but all of these tears and pain and desperate prayers have been not only for my own good, but for the good of other individuals entrenched in suffering. It is 2 Corinthians 1:3 in action:

“He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us.”

Even living in the cruel agony of a terminal illness God is continually showing me how He turns my pain into lasting and eternal gifts. And so I find a way to cling to the shreds of hope and the miracles He works on behalf of His suffering children, and I can trust that He will hold me together and work these wonders together for the good of my soul.
‭‭