I am deliciously exhausted and nursing pain in new places, and it is wonderful. My heart has struggled throughout this summer to send my loves off to do things that I no longer can. For awhile I tried to tag along and keep up, but reality was that my limitations became an anchor for them, and it made me sad to see my little ones have to miss out because of their sick mama. Eventually I started insisting they go along and enjoy themselves without me. My sweet babes graciously offer to stay behind with me, but I know in their hearts they will feel disappointed. I smile big, tell them I will enjoy the chance to rest, and send them on their way to enjoy roller coasters, baseball games, and long walks through special events. This weekend however, I went all in.
I have missed our summer camping trips and been hungering for the fresh peacefulness of escaping from the city to soak in nature’s quiet. No sooner had I mentioned how much I wanted to camp was my man working hard to find us the perfect spot, and getting our camper ready for our first-last summer camping trip. I am usually excellent at planning and preparing these things, so it was frustrating that as the weekend grew near I was making my list of things to prepare smaller and smaller with hopes of actually accomplishing something. I had to choose easy instead of the usual fun and unique camping meals, and I may have completely forgotten a few things we needed, like towels, but I kept reminding myself the prize was just getting to be present, even if that meant pop tarts instead of bacon and eggs over the campfire.
We surprised the kids and had everything ready to go for the weekend when they got home from school Friday. And by /we/, I mostly mean Mark, who took my lists and bustled around to make it happen while I mostly stared at the ceiling and willed my recent surgery scars to stop screaming for attention. The joy on their faces was worth the fight.
It was a different experience, checking and double checking that the bags of medicines and medical supplies were all accounted for, and the heaps of pillows and blankets and bedding foam that took up half the space were all for my little spot, but no one complained about having to drive slowly because of the bumps, or having to spend extra time to find a fishing spot that was accessible for me. Everyone chipped in to help, and we had the most amazing time.
The weekend was filled with spooky stories, wiggly night crawlers, sunscreen, firewood, and a giant canvas of beautiful stars. I pushed myself to every limit to get to cast my line in the water as many times as possible, and snuggled up with my dog to rest while everyone else enjoyed hiking and geocaching. It was a simple weekend, and one I will treasure for the incredible satisfaction of getting to spend time with my tribe, doing what we love, and for a little while feeling like the mama adventurer I used to be.
I have been slow to move today, and struggled through some extras aches, but for the best reason. I will never stop hungering for more days making beautiful memories with my people.
Oh yeah… and next time my goal is to get my hard working hunk in front of the camera more!
Choosing Hope 