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Life in the Balance

Hannah

You often get to see the good and miraculous in my life, and I love sharing those parts with you, but right now I am fighting from a pit so dark it seems to swallow my ability to find the streams of light I have grown accustomed to piercing the darkness. My heart and mind are tired. My body is exhausted. I have dared to hope that I am still here because God is going to bring about a miraculous healing in my life, but as time edges on and I feel the weight of not being even a shadow of who my people need me to be, I find myself dreadfully weary of this life hanging in the middle between the miracle of being restored to health and the seeming relief of death.

Red tape curls angrily around the care that I need; new rules preventing what I was able to get before, but the alternative of leaving the security of what care I do have is intimidating and perhaps foolish. I am tired of having to fight for myself; to advocate for things bigger than myself when I hardly have the strength to take a shower.

Come and save me Lord God, because you bless and protect your people, and I am yours. Give me a glimpse of the glory behind this wall of darkness to refresh my hope in you. You are my God and my protector, please answer my prayer and refresh my hope in you. Let my life be a living testament to your sustaining grace; whether by giving me the endurance to withstand whatever suffering will align my life with your heart, or by extending the grace of calling me Home.

I do not know how to gracefully live out what you have called me to, but I know you have been good all my life, and I trust that if hanging in the balance is what you have for me, you will help me find the strength to endure the calling you have set before me. So help me Jesus, I need your love to restore my peace.

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Published by Hannah

20 thoughts on “Life in the Balance”

  2. Thanks for sharing your heart…know that I’m Praying in agreement with you Hannah…Interceding on your behalf, pleading with God to do what only He can do. A prayer From Psalm 61:1-2…Hear Hannah’s cry, O God, listen to her prayer. From the ends of the earth she is calling to you…she calls as her heart grows faint; lead her to the Rock that is higher than her. For you have been her refuge, a strong tower against the foe. She longs to dwell in your tent forever and take refuge in the shelter of your wings. From Psalm 62, May her soul find rest in God alone, her salvation comes from You. You alone Jesus are her Rock and her salvation; You are her Fortress—she will not be shaken. Sending hugs, prayers and much love.

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  8. Dear Hannah,
    You most certainly are living out the path set before you with astonishing grace and honesty. You have to be one of the most mature and courageous people I have come across, and by the Lord’s grace you are bringing glory to our Savior through your testimony and setting an amazing example to the world and to your family. May it please the Lord to heed your prayer and speak courage and strength and healing to your heart and your body and show himself strong on your behalf.
    In His Name,
    Craig

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