During the first few weeks of Colby’s life, I was aware numerous times of the differences between him and Ellianna.
He is alert… he shows interest…his body feels so soft and cuddly compared to the stiff muscles Ellie had. All these things not only made us realize just how sick Ellie had been, but how healthy our new little guy is. In spite of these obvious differences, my heart was holding out for one thing…
For each of the precious 135 days Ellianna was with us, we never saw her smile. We giggled, we cooed, we made silly faces, and we waited. Waited for a little smirk, a dimple, a grin… something that would show us she was happy inside and that her tender soul knew we loved her. We squinted at her, trying to convince ourselves we saw something that we didn’t, pretended that each little twitch surely must have been a smile. But the truth was, it never came.
When I looked at this sweet baby boy in my arms, I longed to know that he was in there; that buried beneath his shiny eyes and smooth cheeks, there was a spirit that recognized my face, read my joy, and could reflect that overflow of loving giddiness I have when I look at him. My heart needed to know that he could.
Day 84. Colby lay on my lap like he did every day, while I sang and cooed and told him how much I loved him. And there it was. His eyes crinkled, his forehead wrinkled, and his tiny lips stretched into perhaps the most beautiful smile I have ever seen.
I burst into tears. I laughed. I squealed. I fumbled for my phone to capture this moment in time. I have the proof… it is blurry and shaky and inexact because I was shaking… but I have it… his smile.
Every day since, he has flashed those gorgeous gums, crinkling into a beam of brilliance at my singing and cooing and silliness. And every day I drink it up, and look forward to a lifetime of these smiles.
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6 thoughts on “84 Days For a Lifetime of Smiles”
Hannah, thanks for sharing. What a path you have walked with the Lord.. and how he carries you through it. What a joy to see little Colby's precious smile. And to rejoice in the smiles he will share with you throughout his life…. and the hope of heaven, too. That Jesus is holding little Ellianna Grace.. and some day with Him, you'll see her smile there, too.
– From Amie
Thank you for sharing your heart and Colby's smile. By God's promise we will see Ellie's beautiful smile one day!
Hannah, got tears in my eyes. I know exactly how you felt about Ellianna and Colby's smiles. It seemed an eternity before we actually saw Delainey smile, but she finally did; we were blessed to have this beautiful little girl for 23 months and 1 day. Lots of smiles and lots of pictures of those smiles. She was there; sometimes we could see her go away a little; then we'd just say, “Delainey! Where's our girl?” And, there'd she be, looking with love and joy into our eyes. I'm so sorry you didn't get that smile from your sweet Ellianna; but from pictures, I see her eyes and I see her there. We will always love and cherish our girls, your Ellianna, my Delainey. So happy for you with Colby. He's just the sweetest little boy, and his smile is priceless and precious! Lots of love and hugs! Sue
Susan, it's funny you say that because I have looked at pictures of Delainey smiling and thought how wonderful that she could share that with those who loved her! Amazing little girl she was. ❤