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War

“War is hell.”

-General William Tecumseh Sherman

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I am tired.

So tired.

Tired in the marrow of my bones and to the bottom of my weary and tattered heart.

I feel beaten by the daily battle of fighting for life and time. Battling the indescribable pain that ravages my muscles and bones. Battling against the constant nausea that the pain brings. Battling to feed a body that usually has no appetite. Battling to take breaths when even while awake my body forgets to.

I am tired of seeing the grief my children carry over watching me become so different from the mom they knew. I am tired of watching my husband grieve over the things we used to do but no longer can. I am tired of feeling like a failure because of the things I can’t accomplish anymore.

And then I flip open my journal and there, taped inside the cover is the reminder I left for myself…

And I look at their faces and feel my weary heart swell with the uncontainable love I have for them and the bottomless joy that they bring.

And I pull myself up and don my armor and push through each battle with renewed determination. Because no matter how tired I am they will always be worth the war.

10 thoughts on “War”

  1. Oh how I would love to be with my friend as you manage such hardships. I would love to hold your hand and offer you comfort & peace…..and take away your pain and suffering. Oh how I wish I could Hannah! Hugs and prayers for you and your beautiful family! Cindy

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  2. Hannah, your strength inspires me. I cannot begin to understand your pain and anguish as I do not have a terminal illness. I wish I could do more for you than pray but prayer is the best anyone can and should do for you. You get tired and you get frustrated but you find ways to never give up. That takes a lot of determination and stamina. I will continue to pray for a miracle. I am very sure you inspire a lot of people by just being you. You are amazing and so is your family.

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