I have been trying and trying to write a post, but the words just won’t flow, so I’m just going to keep it simple. I’m sure most of you have already seen posts announcing that October is miscarriage and infant loss awareness month. Loads of people have been publicizing their take on 1 in 4, and trying to make the lives of their babies seen. It may have surprised you to see friends post about it that you didn’t know had been through this. The best thing I can pass on to you from my experience with miscarriage is this: it’s ok to talk about it.
We’ve had many people talk with us about the death of our youngest daughter because even though she was young, she was still here. Our people met her and knew her and got to participate in her short life. Our friends and family do not however, talk to us about the two babies we lost to miscarriage. That’s taboo, and people don’t think it’s ok.
Let me tell you something about people grieving a miscarriage. It is healing to talk about it. One of the worst things about a miscarriage is that it feels like a baby that you pinned so many hopes and dreams on has slipped away unnoticed. That mom and dad want their baby to be seen, known, acknowledged. As soon as they found out they were pregnant they started imagining every event and holiday with that little one a part of it. When that dream is dashed away, there are going to be holes. Remember that they are missing that little one when those special days come around, and don’t be afraid to acknowledge it. A small token of your love, a text, a kind word… these things will go a major distance in helping to heal that mama and papa’s hearts. Let them know you know they are missing their baby. Let them know that you’re sad too that he or she isn’t here to celebrate. Let them know that you care about their hurt. I promise you these little things will be so much less awkward than you imagine, and will be soothing balm to a grieving heart.
Please leave me a comment, it lets me know you’re listening!