My “glass half-full” husband has always sighed at my “glass half-empty” attitude, while I try to persuade him I am simply being a realist. Lately the level in my cup has dropped dangerously low. I have cried with my kids when I am too weak to get them out of the house and thrown temper tantrums in my mind when I glare at the handful of medications I have become reliant on.
While my loving husband has tried to focus me on the next appointment and the hope of relief ahead, I have buried my head beneath the fear of the future where my wandering thoughts take me. The enemy has been hard at work planting thoughts of despair and defeat.
The past few months have been hard; each day feeling like a mountain I don’t have the strength to climb. I have let my anger grow at the thought of the struggle ahead, wishing instead for a break from these refining fires. I have begged for mercy, screamed to know when enough is enough.
As I battled the weight of discouragement that lays heavy, and pondered the suggestions of misunderstanding friends that assume God is singling us out, I heard the simple and hope-restoring answer to my desperate pleas.
Right now we can not understand the pain that we have walked through, or the fear that we are facing ahead… but there is a platform being built beneath us. A platform that the Mitchell family will stand on and share an incredible story of hope and redemption. The valleys that we are walking are giving us a story that will be able to reach the hearts of many. We will be able to offer hope to those in despair, not with empty words, but because we have walked through the fire. What an incredible promise.
This doesn’t erase my fears for the future, the questions about what will be left of me and how it will affect my husband and my children, but it gives me a thread to cling to; a promise that our scars are not for nothing.
I had to share that, because I want you to watch it happen. Doesn’t mean it will be pretty… there is going to be a lot of yuck in the process, but stay tuned for the beautiful ending, and please pray us through the here and now.
Pray for Mark that he would have people in his life that can encourage and fill him, especially on the days when he feels helpless with a wife who has nothing left to give. Pray for our children that peace would be spoken to their fear. That they would grow with the changes instead of becoming bitter at the new “normal.” Pray for me that I would not allow my discouragement to make me hard. That I would be able to embrace the small triumphs instead of focusing on the big disappointments, and that I would have the strength and determination to fight instead of allowing my joy to be stolen. Pray for our story… that it would be a beautiful reflection of why we made it through, and Who sustained us in the battle.
Please leave me a comment; it lets me know you’re listening!
3 thoughts on “Half Empty”
This song came to mind after reading your blog:
An old hymn with a Powerful Message.
So much of what you said above is in this song. May is bring PEACE and REST for your soul.
Lately, the Lord has been showing me how to REST in HIM. It's powerful, total surrender!
My hope is built on nothing less,
Than Jesus' blood and righteousness.
I dare not trust the sweetest frame,
But wholly trust in Jesus' name.
When darkness veils His lovely face,
I rest on His unchanging grace.
In ev'ry high and stormy gale,
My anchor holds within the veil.
His oath, His covenant, His blood,
Support me in the whelming flood.
When all around my soul gives way,
He then is all my Hope and Stay.
On Christ, the solid Rock I stand,
All other ground is sinking sand.
All other ground is sinking sand.
Love you and your sweet family,
You truly are choosing hope! Count us in as we walk it out as the body.
I am a friend of Marci's, and my husband struggles with severe depression and has been hospitalized before. The struggle with medicine's, some work, some don't, the side effects, the family life. But always remember, even when it gets tough for you, and you think there is no one there for you, you're family loves you dearly and only wants to see you get better. We may get angry, disappointed, or just plain not understand all that you are going through, but that we do dearly love you and only want for you to be well again. Good luck with your journey. I will pray for you. Denise