In recent years thanks to lots of advocating by people with various handicap challenges as well as rules set by the ADA there has been a shift in many communities regarding the inclusion of people who can’t quite do things like everyone else. I both appreciate and applaud these efforts, because as a wheelchair user I can appreciate the many ways that I am able to participate because of the ways things have changed in recent years. What about when it’s not about the curbs and ramps though; what happens when it’s the people surrounding you that are the stumbling blocks to feeling welcomed and included?
For the better part of the past 5 years I have had to use a wheelchair when venturing outside of my home. While I can get away with a cane or “furniture surfing” around my house, the weakness, spasticity, and shortness of breath that kicks in after a very short distance is just not feasible to going out places away from home. So we’ve just packed me and my wheels into our van and gone about life as normally as we can. Recently though I’ve noticed the closed doors aren’t just the ones without a handicapped button.
A few weeks ago I was volunteering; wearing my badge and my shirt setting me apart as someone who could help, while sitting in my wheelchair. Two others were helping with me, and I noticed that regardless of how I engaged or smiled or said hello to people, if they needed help with something they went to one of the other two volunteers 100% of the time. I couldn’t figure it out; not seeing me there wasn’t a plausible explanation. Did they see me and just assume I was incapable because of my limitations? Did they just want to avoid a situation that felt awkward to them?
Fast forward a few weeks to when I attended a social event with several other people I knew. While two people said a brief comment or question to me, there was no one else in the entire group of people who spoke to me that day; not even a hello. I found myself frequently looking at the clock anticipating the time I could get out of there because it felt so incredibly awkward.
Perhaps someday I’ll be brave enough to ask people what it is that prevents them from engaging with me. I feel like even as an introverted extrovert this would help give me some perspective on how to help people see the real me. For now though it stings a bit. I find myself anxious about attending events and gatherings. I catch myself questioning what value I offer people, and that’s not somewhere I want to stay.
Fortunately I know who I am to God, and I’m confident he accepts and wants me regardless of my shortcomings, and despite my bumpy hard story. I know He is not afraid to meet me in my mess, and so I cling to Him there while I ask for the courage to show others who I am and what I can be besides my illness. God tells me I’m worth knowing, and His opinion is the one I hold closest when the reactions of the world around me sting.
Have you been in situations where you feel like you’re not noticed or wanted? How do you handle those closed doors that don’t seem to have a way in? Do you know your worth, other than what the world has to say about it?
Choosing Hope 
I have friends who are able to talk to everyone, and everyone talks to them. I’m not that person. I’ve learned that I’m not there for everyone like they are. I’m there for the one, but I have to make sure I’m looking outside myself because the one is usually even more awkward than I am. And sometimes, I’m there to offer a smile that makes someone more comfortable asking for help from someone else. You keep shining; you never know whose darkness you are brightening, but it’s probably not obvious to anyone.
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Thank you sweet Judy. Your light shines bright too.
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♥️
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I have never needed a wheelchair, but my experience after my knee surgeries using a walker was an eye opener for me about how hard it can be to need a mobility assist device and navigate the world. As a teacher, I have been sensitive to the needs of my students in wheelchairs over the years.
Living with a serious illness can be lonely at times. People tend to stand off. That is why I try to make it a point to connect with people.
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I love how you always connect. Thank you 💕
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There is comfort in knowing God always sees us
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Hannah, Thank you so much for giving words to my thoughts and feelings. I experience this on a daily basis when it comes to seeking employment I go through the interview process just fine the problem comes when it’s time for the interview in person that’s when my physical limitations weight heavier than my intellectual abilities to the employer. I’ve also experienced this with my family lately if they are going somewhere and I want to come along most of the time they don’t say it, but I can tell that often they don’t want to deal with the accommodations that they may need to make because of me. That’s why most of the time I choose to stay home, but this is causing me to build resentment towards my disability.
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Lorena I hate that you feel those things. I know you fight these battles and yet I’m always inspired by how you choose to shine and smile and pass love on to everyone you are around. Take comfort in knowing God always sees you, although I know sometimes it just hurts that people don’t. I love you friend.
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Dear Hannah,
It is so hard to deal with those sorts of things, and definitely makes you feel “less than.” I’m so sorry you have to contend with that. You have so very much to offer. When I think back to my younger self, I remember being on the “other end” of these things and I always felt awkward and didn’t know what to say, or what was OK to ask about, etc., and being afraid to somehow offend the person, the easy thing was to ignore them and act like they were invisible. Especially when that’s what everyone else was doing.
I don’t think I consciously thought any less of the person. I also think at some level a part of me wanted to deny the reality of disabilities because somehow I didn’t want to think that such things could happen to me. I think this was some sort of defense mechanism and again had nothing to do with the person. It’s too bad because I’m sure I missed out on some great people.
Fast forward to now, and I spend most of my time lying in my bed at home due to chronic, debilitating pain. I see very few people. When I have to go out to the doctor, if it is any distance away, I have to go by stretcher via medical transport, which can be pretty humiliating.
The last time I went to see the eye doctor (and their office has the sweetest, most personable staff), when they wheeled me into their waiting room, a staff member came over and immediately began speaking to my wife, who was standing next to me, and she began asking my wife questions about me, right in front of me (“How old is he?” “What kind of insurance does he have?” Etc.). My wife said to the staff member, “Ask him, he can talk.” It was truly as though I was invisible or incompetent or both. I was gracious and could tell the woman was embarrassed and hadn’t intended to offend. There is just some sort of psychology at play that I don’t fully understand either.
I think it was good of you to share about this, because raising awareness is probably the only way that things can start to change. We need only to look at the cross to understand our true worth, and I don’t take people’s ignorance and fear as a value judgment on myself as much as I see it as a shortcoming and insecurity on their part that needs my grace and forgiveness.
May the Lord bless you and all those who are fortunate enough to cross paths and interact with you, Hannah!
Craig
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Craig,
Thank you for sharing some of your story. I can see how you too have been in some of these situations. I’m sorry. Thank you for being gentle and forgiving and for always pointing me, us, back to the cross. Your circle may be small, but it is rich.
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Because I’m not even 5 foot tall and I’m substitute teacher I catch a lot of grief over my height from most of the kids. It gets old and awkward hearing the comments and there are times in adult conversations where I feel overlooked. I know this is on a completely different level than what you experience but the negativite feelings experienced is similar, another reminder to lean into God’s power and strength. We aren’t defined by are physical appearance but rather clothed in humility and righteousness for His glory.
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