Trusting God as the Table Changes

Despite often not having much of an appetite, that has not slowed my consumption of Ben & Jerry’s ice cream, or homemade yogurt, or anything really that resembles the flavor of a pickle. Until today. It was a waffle. A delicious, crisped-to-perfection sourdough waffle with butter and syrup was the red flag that put a stop to eating as I knew it. Truthfully I had noticed over recent weeks that bites were getting caught in my chest and being stubborn to go down, but I had been dismissing it as too big of a bite, or not enough chewing. That was wishful thinking. After a brief check-in with my speech therapist, she confirmed that the dangers of eating by mouth now outweigh the benefit. Fortunately for me I have already had feeding tubes placed for a few years now as my inability to absorb nutrients became a bigger problem. 

So this isn’t entirely unfamiliar ground for me. Still, hearing those words—that food by mouth is no longer safe—hit me in a way I didn’t expect. It’s not just about waffles or yogurt or pickles. It’s about the little pleasures, the ordinary gifts I’ve often taken for granted. The lit candles at my dinner table. The joy of sitting down to eat with others, the taste of something warm and comforting, the way food brings people together. That chapter is closing, and I find myself grieving the loss of it.

But grief, for me, never has the final say.

As I sat with this news today, a quiet truth settled in my heart: I am not sustained by waffles. I am not even ultimately sustained by feeding tubes. My sustenance comes from the Bread of Life—Jesus Himself. He alone satisfies the deepest hunger of my soul. The world may see this as loss, but in Him, there is gain. Not in a shallow, “look on the bright side” kind of way, but in a rooted, unshakable truth that His grace is sufficient for me—even here.

Scripture tells us, “Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day” (2 Corinthians 4:16). My body may be failing, piece by piece, but I am being upheld, day by day, by the One who does not grow weary. I have tasted and seen that the Lord is good—and that is a flavor I will never have to give up.

So while I may no longer get to enjoy the crispy edges of a sourdough waffle, I rest in the promise of a coming feast—one prepared for me by the King Himself, where no illness, no brokenness, and no feeding tubes will ever be needed again.

Until that day, I will keep showing up to the table of His grace. Because He still meets me there.